Monday, July 5, 2010
I've been a bad little writer..
I bought a book today called "Stamping Ground" - foreword by Catherine Deveny. 27 writers take you on a journey through the familiar and unfamiliar world of Melbourne's northern suburbs. It has inspired me a little bit to continue with my life-writing. Stories about growing up in Pascoe Vale and my struggle with my family, my (un)happiness and learning things the hard way.
I will not be letting this go.
xx
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
14/03/10
Monday, April 12, 2010
Pick a day and write about it. Is there a narrative?
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Lady Bow P is in business!!
Monday, April 5, 2010
Day Four
In the old days, when your partner left you, even for a few days, you missed them and it was okay to miss them, it was expected. But now, when your partner leaves and you’re sad about it, you’re seen as weak, emotional, dependant. You’re made to feel like you’re not your own person, all because you miss the one you love the most.
Darcy is my best friend, my partner, my other half. He is the one I talk to everyday, the one I talk to about my day and when that goes away, even just for a little while, it’s hard, really hard, it even hurts.
I'm tired of people's attitude towards my feelings. I don't have to be ashamed of how I feel. I wont.
Friday, April 2, 2010
The First Night
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Side Project.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
What to do? What to do??
Sunday, March 14, 2010
The Artist's Way
Monday, March 1, 2010
Dad said, Mum said
Sunday, February 28, 2010
My Road Taken
My Road Taken
My road taken was a phone call I made to the man I loved. We had met only a month before and it was special. He was special. But he was scared. For a week I lived in a dark hole filled with pain, heartache and confusion. Somehow though, this feeling that it was all going to work out crept it’s way through and took a hold of me.
The night before I made that call I was at a birthday party with my family. It surprisingly turned out to be an amazing, life changing night and I wanted nothing more than to share the details of that night with Darcy. So the next morning I ran to the phone box and without hesitation called him. He wanted to see me as much as I wanted to see him. He invited me to his house that day. It was literally the first day of the rest of my life.
I would not go back and change one single thing about the past year and half. Everything that has happened between us has made us who we are together and I would not have it any other way. He says he would have called me had I not called him and I guess I believe him, I don’t think there has ever been any other option for us. Some people are just meant to be.
Maria Louisa Tobacco
BRAINSTORM
Louisa –
Family, heart, cousin, beautiful, loved, sick, surgeries, Christmas, Italian, Rye, 21st birthday, death, sadness, funeral, Flintstone’s, smile, laughter, Greenvale, Mercy, TUFF XL, family dinner.
What I remember.
It’s been 14 years since her death. I find it hard to remember much about her life, but her death is still very fresh in my mind.
The last time I saw Louisa was roughly 2 weeks before she died. She came to my house with a friend to see my mum. My mum wasn’t home so Louisa didn’t stay very long. I remember walking with her up our driveway and her telling me to get my mum to call her. I remember that she was smiling and happy, but I remember her happy and smiling always, so I’m glad that my last memory of her is this way.
Louisa was born Maria Louisa Tobacco, she was known to her parents and brother as Marie or Maria but to the rest of the world she was known as Louisa or Louise. As a little girl, I didn’t know that Louisa was sick but I knew she was special. She had glowing a presence. When she smiled, you smiled. She loved everyone around her and everyone loved her. This was evident all her life and even after. The High School she went to set up a Scholarship in her name and it seemed that every person she had ever met in her life, including her schoolteachers, came to her funeral.
TBC
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Green Heart
I've just spent the day with my amazing sister. And I've been thinking about what it is that I want to get out of this blog and so being with my sister and thinking about my writing and this blog, led me to remember the very first time I took (half) an Ecstasy pill.
Part 1.
November 29th 2008 was my brother's girlfriend's 21st Birthday. I was being very brave that day. The day before I had agreed to being just friends with Darcy. So that night I was putting on a brave face, surrounded by family and so many smiling faces, I had to strive for that happy place I was going to need to get me through my heartbreak.
Amira, my brother's girlfriend, had hired out a bar for her Birthday and it was rapidly drawing to a close. Everyone was saying their goodbyes but also making plans to meet up at the next venue. I was in two minds about what to do. Part of me wanted to go home and let the pain of Darcy's rejection just wash over me, take a hold of me and not release me till there were no more tears. But then I guess, a bigger part of me just didn't want to let that happen. I also wanted to party some more with my siblings, something I don't get to do often enough, so I agreed to tag along.
We headed to Kings St, never a good sign... I don't remember the name of the club, but it was not one for me. The music played was Trance, a genre that has never interested me, neither did most of it's followers. This night was no exception.
A half an hour later, we where still sitting on the couch and I was just getting sleepier. I just assumed I hadn't taken enough or that it was a dud, so my sister, who also wasn't feeling it, agreed to go home. If anyone has ever tried to catch a Taxi home from King St on a Saturday night will know exactly what luck we had, so Eva, my sister, and I, decided to walk to Crown Casino which was a 5 minute drive from where we were so an almost half hour walk. I knew there was a Taxi rink at the front so if we didn't find one on our way there, we'd be guaranteed one when we got there.
Unbeknownst to me, the Green Heart (the ecstasy pill that we shared) had started to kick in. So by the time we reached the Casino, we didn't really feel like going home. The flashy, glittery lights looked more appealing. We walked through the Gaming section and suddenly all the flashing lights seemed to be shinning brighter than usual and larger, and I became hotter and astutely aware of everything around me.
I turned to my sister and I had Possum eyes staring back at me. The look of shock on my sister's face undoubtedly mirrored my own, then smiles spread widely across both our faces and this immense feeling took over. I was feeling, exploring my very first "high" and the fact that I was sharing it with my sister made it that much more significant. A faint voice in the back of my mind called out for Darcy but I pushed it further back, I was going to enjoy this.
And so it was Valentine's Day...
Everyday is V-Day for us. He tells me throughout the day how happy he is and how he loves me. When he looks at me, I can almost feel the whole weight of his feelings for me. We are like mirror images of one another's feelings. It's almost scary. The intensity builds until the only form of release is in the truest sense of the word. Our sex is carnal.
He is a part of me.
Happy Valentine's Day... xoxo
Friday, February 12, 2010
My Intro to Writing...
I've always just written things down to get stuff out, but this time I need to do something with all the crazy voices in my head... What I mean is, I plan do something with my writing. There, I said it. Writing. I want to be a writer. I never thought this was ever an option for me, but over the last year the idea has crept it's way in and now it's fully lodged into my soul. So I enrolled myself into a 6 week Life Writing course @ CAE and I'm really excited about it. I had my first class last Tuesday, (it's once a week for 6 weeks) and I loved it.
My teacher is Margaret Campbell (I'll post more about her later) and she's interested in what I want to write about... I just hope she's as interested about my writing.
I'm going to close this intro with a question... Who am I writing this to? you or me??
I guess the answer is, who cares...
P-speak xx