My Road Taken

This piece of writing is for my next writing class. We had to write about a decision made.

My Road Taken

My road taken was a phone call I made to the man I loved. We had met only a month before and it was special. He was special. But he was scared. For a week I lived in a dark hole filled with pain, heartache and confusion. Somehow though, this feeling that it was all going to work out crept it’s way through and took a hold of me.

The night before I made that call I was at a birthday party with my family. It surprisingly turned out to be an amazing, life changing night and I wanted nothing more than to share the details of that night with Darcy. So the next morning I ran to the phone box and without hesitation called him. He wanted to see me as much as I wanted to see him. He invited me to his house that day. It was literally the first day of the rest of my life.

I would not go back and change one single thing about the past year and half. Everything that has happened between us has made us who we are together and I would not have it any other way. He says he would have called me had I not called him and I guess I believe him, I don’t think there has ever been any other option for us. Some people are just meant to be.

Maria Louisa Tobacco

BRAINSTORM

Louisa –

Family, heart, cousin, beautiful, loved, sick, surgeries, Christmas, Italian, Rye, 21^st birthday, death, sadness, funeral, Flintstone’s, smile, laughter, Greenvale, Mercy, TUFF XL, family dinner.

What I remember.

It’s been 14 years since her death. I find it hard to remember much about her life, but her death is still very fresh in my mind.

The last time I saw Louisa was roughly 2 weeks before she died. She came to my house with a friend to see my mum. My mum wasn’t home so Louisa didn’t stay very long. I remember walking with her up our driveway and her telling me to get my mum to call her. I remember that she was smiling and happy, but I remember her happy and smiling always, so I’m glad that my last memory of her is this way.

Louisa was born Maria Louisa Tobacco, she was known to her parents and brother as Marie or Maria but to the rest of the world she was known as Louisa or Louise. As a little girl, I didn’t know that Louisa was sick but I knew she was special. She had glowing a presence. When she smiled, you smiled. She loved everyone around her and everyone loved her. This was evident all her life and even after. The High School she went to set up a Scholarship in her name and it seemed that every person she had ever met in her life, including her schoolteachers, came to her funeral.

TBC

Green Heart

This blog is going to hold as many memories that have changed my life as I can remember.
I've just spent the day with my amazing sister. And I've been thinking about what it is that I want to get out of this blog and so being with my sister and thinking about my writing and this blog, led me to remember the very first time I took (half) an Ecstasy pill.

Part 1.

November 29th 2008 was my brother's girlfriend's 21st Birthday. I was being very brave that day. The day before I had agreed to being just friends with Darcy. So that night I was putting on a brave face, surrounded by family and so many smiling faces, I had to strive for that happy place I was going to need to get me through my heartbreak.

Amira, my brother's girlfriend, had hired out a bar for her Birthday and it was rapidly drawing to a close. Everyone was saying their goodbyes but also making plans to meet up at the next venue. I was in two minds about what to do. Part of me wanted to go home and let the pain of Darcy's rejection just wash over me, take a hold of me and not release me till there were no more tears. But then I guess, a bigger part of me just didn't want to let that happen. I also wanted to party some more with my siblings, something I don't get to do often enough, so I agreed to tag along.

We headed to Kings St, never a good sign... I don't remember the name of the club, but it was not one for me. The music played was Trance, a genre that has never interested me, neither did most of it's followers. This night was no exception.

I was beginning to fall asleep when my sister asked me if I wanted to go halves in an ecstasy pill. My brother and Amira had taken theirs and wanted us to stay. In that moment I ran through every opinion I had ever had about taking drugs. I thought to myself, 'what better environment to do it in, than surrounded by my siblings..? siblings that "knew" what they were doing. I had always been curious about it, so I said yes.

A half an hour later, we where still sitting on the couch and I was just getting sleepier. I just assumed I hadn't taken enough or that it was a dud, so my sister, who also wasn't feeling it, agreed to go home. If anyone has ever tried to catch a Taxi home from King St on a Saturday night will know exactly what luck we had, so Eva, my sister, and I, decided to walk to Crown Casino which was a 5 minute drive from where we were so an almost half hour walk. I knew there was a Taxi rink at the front so if we didn't find one on our way there, we'd be guaranteed one when we got there.

Unbeknownst to me, the Green Heart (the ecstasy pill that we shared) had started to kick in. So by the time we reached the Casino, we didn't really feel like going home. The flashy, glittery lights looked more appealing. We walked through the Gaming section and suddenly all the flashing lights seemed to be shinning brighter than usual and larger, and I became hotter and astutely aware of everything around me.

I turned to my sister and I had Possum eyes staring back at me. The look of shock on my sister's face undoubtedly mirrored my own, then smiles spread widely across both our faces and this immense feeling took over. I was feeling, exploring my very first "high" and the fact that I was sharing it with my sister made it that much more significant. A faint voice in the back of my mind called out for Darcy but I pushed it further back, I was going to enjoy this.

Part 2.

Being with my sister I felt an energy within myself and around me that I had never experienced before. I was surrounded by it. It was tangible. At one point, sitting down on a bench with my sister, I could see this energy emanate from my hands. I was locked in this world with my sister and I was loving it. I felt like I could fly. I was experiencing another level of consciousness.

We talked. Eva and I talked about everything. We were having amazing breakthroughs, epiphanies. Our worlds made sense. We walked and talked. We could have walked all the way home that night, we had the energy for it, but we decided to take the Night Rider bus home instead, we knew it was the drugs talking and didn't want to pay for that the next day.

Our night was amazing and it was just about the two of us and it didn't matter what we were doing, we just cared that we were doing it together.

I did ask her countless times if I could call Darcy, but she said no every time. For some reason I felt that because she said no to me, that meant that there was absolutely no way to make that call. It didn't matter though, I knew that things were going to be okay between us.

During the bus ride home my sister could not believe the night we were having. I am the oldest of 4 children but the least adventurous, so my doing any kind of drug, least of all Ecstasy was a shock for her. Until that point I had never really smoked Marijuana. This night, everything changed.

Part 3.

Their was a taxi waiting for us at our stop when we got off the bus to take us home. I was still riding this wave of surprise, excitement and adventure and I had no sense of when it might end. It was 5am, but I was more awake than I had ever been and just because we were headed home, didn't mean our night was over. We shared our taxi with a man who was on our bus and were dropped off a few houses up from our own, just in case this man turned out to be a psychopath, and he continued on. I don't think anything could have worried us all that much, we loved everything and everyone.

Waiting for us at home were my brother and Amira, who were equally if not more in love with everything and everyone around them. They were as shocked to see me in my state as Eva was, but they greeted me with laughter and smiles.

Apparently though, I wasn't yet feeling all I could be feeling. They encouraged me to have another half, but this time it was considered a "downer", the 'Green Heart' was an "upper". So this pill was suppose to "Mellow you out and get you in the zone" said Amira, as she rocked back and forth, licking her lips, with her eyes rolling in the back of her head. Both her and my brother looked frightening, but I let it pass. I was in my happy place and they were in theirs.

One of us remembered that our mum was sleeping so we all headed to our neighbour's house.

And so it was Valentine's Day...

This has been our second V-Day together and it was as beautiful as it is everyday. Our day consisted of food, weed, sex, money, items, drinks and sex. It was a good day.

Everyday is V-Day for us. He tells me throughout the day how happy he is and how he loves me. When he looks at me, I can almost feel the whole weight of his feelings for me. We are like mirror images of one another's feelings. It's almost scary. The intensity builds until the only form of release is in the truest sense of the word. Our sex is carnal.

He is a part of me.

Happy Valentine's Day... xoxo

My Intro to Writing...

This is the "quadrillianth" blog of started in my life time, but I'm hoping it's at least one of my last and lasting one(s). As I start this, I'm feeling more mature. You see, the reason for this blog is to not just post my thoughts, but to document them. I know that means the same thing, but to me it doesn't.

I've always just written things down to get stuff out, but this time I need to do something with all the crazy voices in my head... What I mean is, I plan do something with my writing. There, I said it. Writing. I want to be a writer. I never thought this was ever an option for me, but over the last year the idea has crept it's way in and now it's fully lodged into my soul. So I enrolled myself into a 6 week Life Writing course @ CAE and I'm really excited about it. I had my first class last Tuesday, (it's once a week for 6 weeks) and I loved it.

My teacher is Margaret Campbell (I'll post more about her later) and she's interested in what I want to write about... I just hope she's as interested about my writing.

I'm going to close this intro with a question... Who am I writing this to? you or me??
I guess the answer is, who cares...

P-speak xx