This blog is going to hold as many memories that have changed my life as I can remember.
I've just spent the day with my amazing sister. And I've been thinking about what it is that I want to get out of this blog and so being with my sister and thinking about my writing and this blog, led me to remember the very first time I took (half) an Ecstasy pill.
Part 1.
November 29th 2008 was my brother's girlfriend's 21st Birthday. I was being very brave that day. The day before I had agreed to being just friends with Darcy. So that night I was putting on a brave face, surrounded by family and so many smiling faces, I had to strive for that happy place I was going to need to get me through my heartbreak.
Amira, my brother's girlfriend, had hired out a bar for her Birthday and it was rapidly drawing to a close. Everyone was saying their goodbyes but also making plans to meet up at the next venue. I was in two minds about what to do. Part of me wanted to go home and let the pain of Darcy's rejection just wash over me, take a hold of me and not release me till there were no more tears. But then I guess, a bigger part of me just didn't want to let that happen. I also wanted to party some more with my siblings, something I don't get to do often enough, so I agreed to tag along.
We headed to Kings St, never a good sign... I don't remember the name of the club, but it was not one for me. The music played was Trance, a genre that has never interested me, neither did most of it's followers. This night was no exception.
I've just spent the day with my amazing sister. And I've been thinking about what it is that I want to get out of this blog and so being with my sister and thinking about my writing and this blog, led me to remember the very first time I took (half) an Ecstasy pill.
Part 1.
November 29th 2008 was my brother's girlfriend's 21st Birthday. I was being very brave that day. The day before I had agreed to being just friends with Darcy. So that night I was putting on a brave face, surrounded by family and so many smiling faces, I had to strive for that happy place I was going to need to get me through my heartbreak.
Amira, my brother's girlfriend, had hired out a bar for her Birthday and it was rapidly drawing to a close. Everyone was saying their goodbyes but also making plans to meet up at the next venue. I was in two minds about what to do. Part of me wanted to go home and let the pain of Darcy's rejection just wash over me, take a hold of me and not release me till there were no more tears. But then I guess, a bigger part of me just didn't want to let that happen. I also wanted to party some more with my siblings, something I don't get to do often enough, so I agreed to tag along.
We headed to Kings St, never a good sign... I don't remember the name of the club, but it was not one for me. The music played was Trance, a genre that has never interested me, neither did most of it's followers. This night was no exception.
I was beginning to fall asleep when my sister asked me if I wanted to go halves in an ecstasy pill. My brother and Amira had taken theirs and wanted us to stay. In that moment I ran through every opinion I had ever had about taking drugs. I thought to myself, 'what better environment to do it in, than surrounded by my siblings..? siblings that "knew" what they were doing. I had always been curious about it, so I said yes.
A half an hour later, we where still sitting on the couch and I was just getting sleepier. I just assumed I hadn't taken enough or that it was a dud, so my sister, who also wasn't feeling it, agreed to go home. If anyone has ever tried to catch a Taxi home from King St on a Saturday night will know exactly what luck we had, so Eva, my sister, and I, decided to walk to Crown Casino which was a 5 minute drive from where we were so an almost half hour walk. I knew there was a Taxi rink at the front so if we didn't find one on our way there, we'd be guaranteed one when we got there.
Unbeknownst to me, the Green Heart (the ecstasy pill that we shared) had started to kick in. So by the time we reached the Casino, we didn't really feel like going home. The flashy, glittery lights looked more appealing. We walked through the Gaming section and suddenly all the flashing lights seemed to be shinning brighter than usual and larger, and I became hotter and astutely aware of everything around me.
I turned to my sister and I had Possum eyes staring back at me. The look of shock on my sister's face undoubtedly mirrored my own, then smiles spread widely across both our faces and this immense feeling took over. I was feeling, exploring my very first "high" and the fact that I was sharing it with my sister made it that much more significant. A faint voice in the back of my mind called out for Darcy but I pushed it further back, I was going to enjoy this.
A half an hour later, we where still sitting on the couch and I was just getting sleepier. I just assumed I hadn't taken enough or that it was a dud, so my sister, who also wasn't feeling it, agreed to go home. If anyone has ever tried to catch a Taxi home from King St on a Saturday night will know exactly what luck we had, so Eva, my sister, and I, decided to walk to Crown Casino which was a 5 minute drive from where we were so an almost half hour walk. I knew there was a Taxi rink at the front so if we didn't find one on our way there, we'd be guaranteed one when we got there.
Unbeknownst to me, the Green Heart (the ecstasy pill that we shared) had started to kick in. So by the time we reached the Casino, we didn't really feel like going home. The flashy, glittery lights looked more appealing. We walked through the Gaming section and suddenly all the flashing lights seemed to be shinning brighter than usual and larger, and I became hotter and astutely aware of everything around me.
I turned to my sister and I had Possum eyes staring back at me. The look of shock on my sister's face undoubtedly mirrored my own, then smiles spread widely across both our faces and this immense feeling took over. I was feeling, exploring my very first "high" and the fact that I was sharing it with my sister made it that much more significant. A faint voice in the back of my mind called out for Darcy but I pushed it further back, I was going to enjoy this.
Part 2.
Being with my sister I felt an energy within myself and around me that I had never experienced before. I was surrounded by it. It was tangible. At one point, sitting down on a bench with my sister, I could see this energy emanate from my hands. I was locked in this world with my sister and I was loving it. I felt like I could fly. I was experiencing another level of consciousness.
We talked. Eva and I talked about everything. We were having amazing breakthroughs, epiphanies. Our worlds made sense. We walked and talked. We could have walked all the way home that night, we had the energy for it, but we decided to take the Night Rider bus home instead, we knew it was the drugs talking and didn't want to pay for that the next day.
Our night was amazing and it was just about the two of us and it didn't matter what we were doing, we just cared that we were doing it together.
I did ask her countless times if I could call Darcy, but she said no every time. For some reason I felt that because she said no to me, that meant that there was absolutely no way to make that call. It didn't matter though, I knew that things were going to be okay between us.
During the bus ride home my sister could not believe the night we were having. I am the oldest of 4 children but the least adventurous, so my doing any kind of drug, least of all Ecstasy was a shock for her. Until that point I had never really smoked Marijuana. This night, everything changed.
Part 3.
Their was a taxi waiting for us at our stop when we got off the bus to take us home. I was still riding this wave of surprise, excitement and adventure and I had no sense of when it might end. It was 5am, but I was more awake than I had ever been and just because we were headed home, didn't mean our night was over. We shared our taxi with a man who was on our bus and were dropped off a few houses up from our own, just in case this man turned out to be a psychopath, and he continued on. I don't think anything could have worried us all that much, we loved everything and everyone.
Waiting for us at home were my brother and Amira, who were equally if not more in love with everything and everyone around them. They were as shocked to see me in my state as Eva was, but they greeted me with laughter and smiles.
Apparently though, I wasn't yet feeling all I could be feeling. They encouraged me to have another half, but this time it was considered a "downer", the 'Green Heart' was an "upper". So this pill was suppose to "Mellow you out and get you in the zone" said Amira, as she rocked back and forth, licking her lips, with her eyes rolling in the back of her head. Both her and my brother looked frightening, but I let it pass. I was in my happy place and they were in theirs.
One of us remembered that our mum was sleeping so we all headed to our neighbour's house.
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