I'm still in bed. This isn't the first time I've woken up this morning. My mind races. Where is he? He said he's call. It's been hours. The moment he leaves me, I feel the change. I feel that little bit unsafe. I lay here very still to give the illusion that I can easily fall back to sleep. But I can't. I will myself back to sleep. I will my brain to switch off, to allow sleep to take over again. He said he'd call. He knows I worry. With a kiss he whispers that he loves me and that he'd call when he gets there. I'm going to wait one more hour.
I should have started writing when i first opened my eyes. My mind begins to race the very instant I am woken, but I don't want to lose any of the time I have with him because usually it's the only time we have.
My phone just rang, it was him. He's safe, I can breath easy again.
My mind is very random first thing in the morning. I think about the TV shows I've watched, the dreams I've had, what happened yesterday, work, Darcy. His lips on mine, quiet the noise. We thank each other everyday that this is what our lives have become. Then he leaves and my mind becomes dark. What if something to him? I don't dare imagine what the accident would be like, but I imagine hearing the news. I imagine seeing his mother and brothers. It's at that point when I snap the dark blinds of my mind open and let the warmth of the truth wash over, that I fall back asleep.
I don't remember what I dreamt about. Maybe tomorrow?
Darcy believes I'm a writer, he believes in me. I want to believe I'm a writer. I can see what our life could be like. Him building a masterpiece and me drinking coffee, typing away on my laptop in our little country town. The future holds so many things for us. Amazing things. I'm so excited by the prospect of this amazing future, that it sometimes takes over the now. I need to learn to live more in the now. I'm so lucky in the now. In the now I have Darcy. I have my family. I have my writing.
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